Mortality

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Nothing has made me aware of mortality as much as my daughter has. Nothing has made me care about life as much as my daughter has. I didn’t care all too much about life before my daughter was born. My mom died, my dad kept finding family and friends to leave me with, and by the time I was a senior at high school my vice principal told me people “like me” should drop out.

My childhood years spent with my mom were great, and I used a lot of what I remember of those six years to raise my little one. Now that she is eight, I sometimes feel lost. Now that I’m five years away from the year my mom died, I feel really lost. I am seeing specialists and getting screenings done more and more often, making sure I don’t get cancer like the women before me on my mom’s side.I know these tests are the right thing to do, and a 50% chance of having cancer means there is a 50% chance that I will not. But I’m still scared, and it is because of my baby.

My kidlet is an obvious indicator of time past. A couple of years in an adult’s life can go by unnoticed. A couple of years in a little kid’s life mean a big kid will take their place. Two years is a whole lot of time, a whole lot of time that flies by. That doesn’t make five years seem that much farther.

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