Here’s this big fat awful truth: I’m friends with my daughter. It isn’t my fault she’s the coolest person in the world (well, it kind of is.) I know you’re not supposed to be. But my wonderful life has been built upon what isn’t supposed to be. I shouldn’t be here today, but I am, that’s how Di Menna Grrrls work.
The only way my life has gotten to the fantastic spot I’m in right now, is by ignoring every rule. I tried to follow the rules once: Get engaged, stand by your man, and stay together for the kid, work as much as possible. It didn’t get me anywhere. Well, that’s a lie. It got me my daughter, and that is why I am alive today. However, it also got me zero financial help during court, leading to poverty (I saved a lot of money by working three jobs) it got me abused in every way, and it got me down on myself. I don’t deserve all that self-hate, and my daughter doesn’t deserve a mother like that.
So, I broke the rules. I stopped giving a damn about getting married and having a nuclear family, I followed my passion and now I’m a working writer. I am in love with someone who is the perfect partner to me. My daughter is amazing, and continues to grow accordingly.
I am a friend to her. It was she and I for a long time. She was my only roommate, she’s always been my rock, she is my absolute drive and the one I’ve passed my last name on to.
When her teacher complains that I need to be more of a disciplinarian (after meeting me for five minutes- can’t help but think the turquoise hair and tattoos influenced her comment) because my daughter hugged a crying friend in class when it was quiet time, I laugh. Most obviously, I am constantly playing mean mommy, it isn’t fun, but also I am proud that she is compassionate. That’s how she is raised. As for being friends, it is inevitable. It isn’t our only relationship with each other, what relationship isn’t complex? Not only do I want to foster our current friendship, I look forward to where it is going.
Trust me, if you knew her, you’d wish you had this kind of friend too.
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