My partner is moving in Tuesday.
Coming from a blended family I have an idea on what not to do when having people move in to a child’s home. When I was younger my biological dad and my step-mom joined forces in housing 5 kids, so my “blending” is much more simple. I think what applies to both is letting the child know what is going on – as a child I was pissed that I was not talked to or prepped for the merger.
I’ve talked to my daughter about it, a lot. She is very bored with the conversation. She is totally cool with the boyfriend moving in, a little too excited as she has a crush on him. And after a lot of serious conversations, he is prepared to share a home with a little six-year-old menace as she grows into a scary teenage menace. A lot of time has been spent prepping for those two.
And then there is me. I am crazy about my super cool, super tall, drummer other half. Plus, he is handsome as hell (I am assuming hell is ridiculously handsome I guess) I’m pumped to wake up to him every morning and for the burden of cooking to be lifted off my shoulders (See: The kitchen fire I started last year) He is able to reach all the shit on the top shelves!
So that is that. Everyone is looking forward to it, there’s an extra person to feed the cats. Now, notice how in the first paragraph I wrote “my” blending. It is similar to how I say “my” apartment “my” mess and “my” cats.
Moms don’t be selfish enough, so here we go.
I didn’t start thinking about how I will be affected until recently. I’m not scared or turned off by the move-in decision but I am realizing things will be different. I’ll probably have to clean more, because now someone else will be in the apartment and will call bullshit on me when I say, “Oh the place is a mess because X day is my cleaning day.” Patience will have to stop climbing in the bed during the night. I’ll need to give up closet space and take some of my pictures off the wall (My walls are covered) P and I will have to stop saying that we live in a “giiiiirrrrlllll houusssse!” I may have to be more discreet about feeding the raccoons outside.
None of this is a big deal. Relationships are about compromise. And the boy is very laid back, accommodating, supportive – all that nice stuff.
I’ll also probably have to give up control in parenting stuff. Will I no longer be a single mom? That is a title that I have embraced and allowed to become part of my identity.
And then there is this nagging question: Will he want to stay after he sees me at my worst? He knows I snore, but does he *really* know what a lifetime of that means? Does he?!
Growth is good, and I am welcoming it. But, hmmm, what mom can truly give up all control? A well-balanced one, like the ones we read about and see on Pintrest. It will be fine, it will be better. I am going to live with one of the most awesome of people. I know all of this.
But still, hmmm …
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