Baby wigs, because there is no time to waste when fostering femme insecurity!

Perfect baby!
Perfect baby!

Last I heard of baby bangs, it was a cute hairstyle I could never pull off other than one day (and it was during my hair-hated-me-because-I-was-pregnant-era. So, good on me!)

Now, Baby Bangs! Is a company selling wigs “for the girl who has everything-except hair.” Baby Bangs! Made just for little girls sells hairpieces attached to headbands. The tresses are “arranged in the cutest most adorable elfish coiffure!” The only thing cuter would be a baby’s real features! Babies are already pretty darn cute, but you can’t sell something to people if they realize it is unnecessary.  Instead, we need parents to look at their spawn and realize their kids’ looks are not up to par. And at what better time to teach your daughter that looks are everything, and can only be bought?

The philosophy behind Baby Bangs! Stems from their belief in the beauty of childhood- I’m guessing they don’t mean natural beauty. Natural beauty will not lead to “memorable moments” spent with your “little princess” who is wearing a $30 wig “sprinkled with magic.”

And just in case you think your daughter is just cute as a button without fake locks the website has a lovely pink coloured headline: “I’m not a boy.” Babies care when a stranger mistakes their gender. No they don’t, insecure parents with strange priorities do.

Once upon a time, my daughter was bald. She was bald for years. And she was mistaken for a boy- and the world didn’t crumble. And she doesn’t care now at five years old. In fact, she is still mistaken for a boy because of her raspy voice. And she dresses herself in a very “girly” way and has big, curly hair that spirals down her back.

When she sees pictures of herself as a baby she laughs, she doesn’t go into a panic about her inability to star in a women’s shampoo commercial during her first six months. She tells me she has no idea where her hair went that day. And I don’t sit there going, “My god, that giant headed baby would have been so much better with fake crap on her head.” In fact, I liked her giant head; it was and is charming. It gets stuck in the neck holes of shirts, thus, hilarious.

Organic is still in, right? Let’s keep our babies scalps that way.

They actually don't look that great on second glance ... my outfit was really nice though.
They actually don’t look that great on second glance … my outfit was really nice though.

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