Broody be gone!

Even when you know you are in no position to have another child, it happens, you remember the good ol days.

Memories of being needed. You hold someone else’s baby and warm feelings come back. STOP! It’s a trap. Nature is trying to trick you into making more more more! Fool me once Nature!

Here are five handy tips to keep you from throwing your birth control in the trash.

1. Get a pet. Maybe not a high maintenance animal. If you’re looking at dogs you may as well have another baby. Granted dogs can be pretty cute, and they can get away with being furry. If your kid is furry things can get awkward.

Kittens!

2. Garden. Maybe you got not one but two cats and started to think you needed more even though your place is tiny, you’d get evicted and your new kitten is kind of a jerk. Maybe. Start gardening! Plants are alive and need you too. And you can eat them. You can’t eat your spawn and get away with it. But then you would have room for a new, better baby …

P’s new baby sister.

3. Hold someone else’s baby. You cuddle them, they poop their pants, you pass them off. Done. Plus other people’s kids won’t grow up and resent you. They’ll run to you to shit-talk their parents. Who doesn’t like an opportunity to seem cooler at the expense of their loved ones? Not I.

4. Take a good, hard look at your kindergarden aged child, stomping around, saying they hate you, and breaking your stuff. That’s what babies become.

5. Look in the mirror. Admit to what the stress of one child has already done to your physical appearance. Now picture the havoc done to your insides. You want more of THAT?

I write other stuff too! Check out HillaryDiMenna.com

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