10 things not to say to a parent

Back is up.
Back is up.
  1. Wait until you get a real job, then you’ll understand. Because raising a human life – with the societal expectation of doing it perfectly, a perfection you couldn’t fathom being expected of until after you have a child – is just a fun little hobby.
  2. Must be nice just playing all day. As nice as it will be plucking your eyes out with this fork.
  3. Welcome to parenthood. Fuck you.
  4. You should …
  5. You need to …
  6. When I’m a parent … You’ll have zero support in similar situations as you alienated all your friends who became parents before you. Have fun.
  7. Your place is a mess, what do you do all day? Read about serial killers.
  8. Why are you tired? You’ve been home all day. Practicing what I’ve learned from aforementioned topic.
  9. Why don’t you just do the cleaning, your work, rest when they’re napping? Kids are always napping. Ha. ha. hahahahahahahaha.

10. You asked for it. And so did you.

Even if you believe these things to be true, don’t. Just be kind and don’t.

PS I’m reading American Psycho

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