Self-doubt, single status and singing La Vida Mickey


I don’t expect pity for being a single-mom, it’s better off this way than if I had stayed with her father, but I didn’t expect this conversation to hurt so badly. Really hurt, lump in my throat, heavy heart hurt.

There are times where your self-confident self can be reckoned with, transformed into that shy, shaky kid at the front of the class during public speaking week. I didn’t expect one of those times would be spawned in relation to an event with the soundtrack of Livin’ La Vida Mickey.

When I signed P up for dance classes I expected the waiting room experience with the other parents, mostly mothers, would be horrible. It wasn’t. I’m usually reading a book or writing in my notebook while they chat amongst themselves. It is all very friendly and I’m sure if I wasn’t so darn anti-social I’d be included in the banter.

So no, this post is not about mean dance moms. It does involve a conversation I eavesdropped on one afternoon while our children danced down the hall.

The next day would be the day recital tickets went on sale. Though the doors of the building would not open until 9, those with past experience warned a line forms at 6. Though we all groaned there were sighs of relief, “My husband is staying at home with the kids so I can line up.” Or, “My husband will be the one getting in line.” With that solved they joked about having signed their hubbies up for the Dancing Dads segment of the recital.

I don’t expect pity for being a single-mom, it’s better off this way than if I had stayed with her father, but I didn’t expect this conversation to hurt so badly. Really hurt, lump in my throat, heavy heart hurt.

Saturday morning I decided against shaking my sleeping kiddo awake before I had to. There is a golden rule to never wake up a sleeping child. We got to the dance school a quarter to nine thanks to my two feet, a stroller, a booster seat balanced somehow on the stroller handles just in case and my bus pass.

I got in line, with two dads in front of me, and a dad behind me. These guys were carrying ballet slipper emblazoned duffle bags; they talked about their daughter’s lives with interest, this wasn’t a chore for them, it was what they did.

I felt like a loser, standing there with my bus pass, travel equipment and what I thought to be obvious single status. They included me in their conversations, we joked, I smiled. I felt like a loser.

My daughter couldn’t have cared less. She talked to everyone, she danced, she played with the other kids. She told people how fun her mom is. The fun, “Me and my mom” have.

Me and my mom.

Me and my daughter.

It’s cool, it’s fine, it’s life. It’s my life and I’m totally cool with my ringless finger wrapped around those of the hand of such an awesome little girl.

I got good seats in the end, by the way.

She insisted I participate instead of watch from the sidelines xo

I write other stuff too! Check out HillaryDiMenna.com

12 thoughts on “Self-doubt, single status and singing La Vida Mickey”

  1. you’re an amazing momma, and Patience is lucky to have a mommy as loving and strong as you are. You guys are a great team, and you should never feel like a loser; you my friend, are an inspiration and someone to admire. 🙂

  2. Thanks for the response and again thanks for that nudge to keep writing 🙂 It’s interesting to see how a bond takes shape to the moulding of circumstance.

  3. I remember days of single motherhood, that wistful (but quickly flown away) feeling of “Donuts with Dad” or “Father/Daughter Dance”, but I also relished in that one on one bond that was stronger by being both parents to my daughter. it is amazing the transformation motherhood takes on a person, whether its as a single or part of a team. This is beautifully written.

    Thank you so much for linking up with Bloggy Moms again.

  4. Awww, I could so relate to you. I raised my daughter as a single mom. I had a friend who would call me on Father’s Day because in her mind, I was both mom and dad.
    My daughter is now 19. She and I just talked the other day about my thoughts on having been a single parent and how I’d wished off and on she had her dad in her life. My daughter thanked me for being her mom and said she had no regrets.
    I don’t know you or your daughter but from what I read, I think you all are going to be just fine.

  5. Thank you!

    I hear a lot of moms say that, no matter the situation I don’t suppose it’s an easy job for anyone. Thank heavens it is awfully rewarding 🙂 Three … wow! Haha I’m exhausted with the one!

    Will you be posting in the workshop?

  6. I’m not a single mom, but sometimes I feel like it. My husband works odd hours leaving me by myself with three boys at the hardest times of day. I often have to escort my oldest to his T-ball practices and games alone. I’ve grown accustomed to it and often times prefer it now. Good post! ~ I came from Writers Workshop.

  7. You are a pilar of strength all rolled up in one mama. Patience is a lucky little gal. I know y’all make a great team!

    She looks stunning in her dance outfit! It looks like a great success! 🙂

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