Passive-aaaaaaaahgressive baby voice

Go tell someone to “fuck off and die,” in a high pitched baby talk voice. Go on, go ahead I’ll wait.

Now grab a tissue for that bloody nose of yours – because that’s what you deserve, a bloody nose. You probably hurt that person’s feelings, even if you spoke those words in your best soprano.

Saying something aggressive in a sugary sweet voice does not cancel the aggression out. And the way this tactic is used in the situations I am about to tell you are absurdly illogical. Absurdly!

Like when Patience’s grandmother told my lil three-month-old that, “You have to tell mommy that she needs to buy a car.” How on earth is the baby going to tell me that.

A baby?!

And why would I let that baby boss me around like that, I’m a million times bigger than her.

A million!!

Patience was asleep the majority of the time when she was that age, as if she cared that we had a car or not. Using a ridiculous baby voice is not going to give a baby magical powers to do whatever their grandmother tells them to do.

Also, I am right there! Why would you make a poor baby learn how to speak and become wise beyond their years to realize the importance of a vehicle when I’m right there? That is so much stress on a baby.

Her other granmother still uses that voice, and while I am there, to tell Patience to tell me to dress her differently. Firstly, I have wicked style; the kind Gwen Stefani writes songs about. Secondly, I’m right there!

Using that annoying voice doesn’t make the words you are saying true. If it did we as a people would have been overthrown by toy dogs.

I really want a pomeranian princess puppy.

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