Nutritional advice from boys that saved me from my silly girl brain

My Lady Liberty

Miraculously P is healthy despite the fact that I once ate a fun size pack of Doritos and drank chocolate milk while pregnant.

The first pre-natal nutritionist I spoke to was a teenaged co-worker that used to creep my sister out. I was five-months-pregnant and working at a call centre. He didn’t need to show me his credentials, his stalking abilities spoke volumes.

Hungry, tired, and cranky, I allowed the vending machines in our designated eating area to seduce me. I indulged in a small bag of Doritos. I regularly don’t care for chips, but this day I went wild.

I passed the teenager and he gave me a stern look:  “You can’t eat those,” he said, “you’re pregnant.”

I am a grudge holder. I absorb everything, everything.

WHAT DID THIS GUY KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING LET ALONE WHAT I AM ALLOWED TO EAT?

Later, my now ex mistook our unborn baby with a dog, loudly scolding me for eating chocolate cereal with chocolate milk.

How dare one come between a girl and her chocolate? Especially a pregnant girl and her chocolate?

Why ruin the only time it is socially acceptable to devour such a meal?

When a chick is carrying another human around in her body, shut up. Just shut up.

Seriously.

PS

I love chocolate to an unhealthy extent. I can’t even use the “Dark chocolate is healthy in moderation” argument because I dig the creamy good stuff. I am therefore rather passionate on the topic and apologize for at times appearing irrational. Because I wasn’t. Chocolate rules.

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