IUDid it

CW: Menstrual blood – ahhhhhhh!! My uterus!! But really this shouldn’t all be a shocker as we are talking about birth control.

Remember how I went to a consultation about getting an IUD inserted?

On February 11 I stood outside at the back of Toronto’s Old City Hall with other women, yelling at Jian Ghomeshi to fuck right off. After a coffee break some of us sat in on the last day of his trial before the vile March verdict, got lunch with a friend and fellow survivor, then got my IUD inserted because fuck did I need to do something that made me feel like something to do with my body as a woman was up to me. OK, and my insertion appointment was scheduled that day.

I returned to Women’s College Hospital. I love this place. Go there. They wrote me a prescription for Mirena. I chose the hormone option, which is pricier than the copper device. Thankfully, for the sake of my choice, my partner has insurance. Either way the deal is, it is going inside of me, so I did my part. He can pay. I got the prescription filled at the drug store in the same building. I bought a birthday card for the child I have at the same time as my birth control. It’s a cute card, there’s a dachshund wearing a sweater on it.

The packaging is absolutely unnecessarily huge. The IUD should come in a little organza bag tied with a sweet ribbon. Laughing, I asked the Women’s College nurse why the package is so big for something so teeny tiny. She guessed it is because the patriarchal powers that be in charge of women’s reproductive health want to scare us away from birth control. The package, she adds, was actually twice as big before. Environmentalists – get on this.

A magnet! And the card has some pun using the word long.

My period was a few days late. The office was really good about rescheduling my appointment, since as I said in the last post, it is preferred that you are menstruating for the insertion. Because of this lateness, despite the bloody horror show that was my last pee break, I was asked to do a pregnancy test to be extra safe. It is nice that they are that thorough, and peeing in a cup wasn’t much work. It was actually kind of funny. Once that was done I took off my pants, got in those stirrups, and once we got some Hello Kitty chat out of the way – I have Sanrio tattoos on my thighs – we got to work. The process is as follows: sterilize the area with iodine (which matches any menstruation blood!), measure the uterus, and insert the device. K, the uterus measuring sucked. It felt like a pap, but a little weirder. The great thing about Women’s College is the nurses there don’t get angry if you tense up. I kept apologizing as I have been conditioned to in the past. I have had doctors scold me for being too tense during vaginal ultrasounds and pap tests. This nurse just kept telling me how great I’m doing. So, despite the discomfort I patted myself on the back for being so good at getting IUDs inserted. The measuring didn’t take too much time, the whole process is pretty short, the insertion itself is super fast. The nurse left and I laid on the bed for a bit because how often does that chance come up? I got dressed, grimaced at my bangs because they parted in the middle and I wanted to know how long that was going on for, and left. Something to note is though I had a baby, it was a c-section. The nurse said women who had vaginal births may have an even easier insertion experience.

The subway ride home I felt super important. On the subway I wanted to yell out, “Everyone, everyone! Listen, stay back, I have an IUD inside of me and I’m precious!” I did not do this. It’s been almost two months now. I have a follow up appointment soon. My periods have been way lighter and any cramping has been very mild. Every body is different, but this is my experience so far. I’m digging this IUD stuff.

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