It’s justifiably a worst nightmare, but child abduction in Canada is not the norm.
Missing Children Society of Canada looked at the 46,718 missing children recorded by the RCMP in 2011. The majority were runaways, parental kidnapping accounted for 145 and a stranger kidnapping was 25. Though absolutely horrifying, one missing child is too many, these numbers do not reflect Canada’s 5,607,345 fourteen years and under crowd recorded by Statistics Canada.
Parental abduction is what will most likely occur in the rare event that your child is kidnapped. It usually occurs between separated parents, where one is not abiding by the custody agreement.
The RCMP website says, “Canadian law enforcement definition of a stranger not only refers to someone totally unknown to the child victim but also refers to relatives, friends, and acquaintances.” So strangers are rarely true strangers.
Well if it doesn’t happen that often why are we always hearing about children kidnappings? The same reason we hear about shark attacks when they happen – they are rare occurrences. If news were about everyday stuff it wouldn’t be called news. It would be called stuff that happens all the time. Having it brought to our attention, such as through Amber Alerts, helps families find their children quicker. It’s about helping others, not fearing for ourselves.
Also, we are fucked up. My first-year journalism professor told our class that a newspaper in California only ran happy stories, and bombed. We as a people like the most terrifying, shocking stories.
A child being abducted is already a heart-wrenching story. I myself cry and physically hurt every time I hear of one. The more gruesome the story, the more it is shoved in our faces.
My well-intentioned neighbour says the reason I don’t fear Patience being abducted is because I don’t realize that this is Oshawa and I’ve led a sheltered life. He believes these things because I’m a friendly, happy person. The reason I am so fucking happy is because I’ve been abused every way possible from birth until a couple years ago. I’ve been through it all and I’m still sitting pretty, why shouldn’t I be smiling? As for living in Oshawa, there’s an Oshawa everywhere; the city, that gets an unshakable bad rep. I moved to Oshawa from Port Coquitlam. POCO is famous for the pig farmer who murdered sex workers, a big news story that, according to the RCMP, led to more stranger danger fears for our children. Again, what that guy did is not a normal occurrence – at all.
What parents really have to fear is the stigma they may get if they let their kids run outside, say hello to strangers or walk home from school without a parent. We have to fear the people who fear the improbable for our children. Even the asshole who yelled at me for Patience crossing the street on her own brought her back – and that guy is hands down the scariest guy living on my street.
We live in a time where a man fawning over a baby, the way a woman stereotypically would, is seen as perverted instead of caring. Children’s obesity rates are rising. Toy recalls are all over the place.
This anti-social behaviour is exclusive to Western culture. I’ve written about Craig Kielburger talking about villages raising children, my sister has written about the same thing when recounting her time helping in the Dominican Republic.
I have recently finished feminist writer Inga Muscio’s book, Cunt: A declaration of independence. In it she speaks of a lady named Jaleh, who fled Iran to America. Though grateful for her new life, Jaleh was shocked over how cold American women were to each other, while women in Iran cared for each other. I relate to this story because our sense of community here in Canada can easily be lost in a sea of paranoia. And that’s fucked up.
Canadian statistics of missing children has decreased since the beginning of their recording in 1987 by over 10,000. Things are getting better. And while I agree we must watch our children, teach them about safety, even enroll them in self-defense, I also believe we need to let them have a childhood.
When I bring this topic up, even with those opposed to me, people admit that they had fun growing up, running through forests, playing at their friends’ houses. Do you want to deny your child of these memories? It’s scary, I know. I get freaked out too. But we can’t let fear control our lives, nor those of our children.
Always love your posts !!
How will they ever learn if society keeps them coddled up until they are 19 , and can get into all sorts of trouble ? hahaha
So true , kids need to PLAY
Thanks
Rich
Oh man teenage years … not looking forward to those haha
Thanks
I live in a place where I could run around as a child, but unfortunately, you never know. Last Friday, 2 girls were riding their bikes and were abducted from here. They still have no leads. PLEASE PLEASE help spread the word! Here is a link to their Missing poster: http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/wcfcourier.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/6b/c6bdc22a-ce7d-11e1-ab38-0019bb2963f4/5002c04654cd0.preview-699.jpg
An Amber Alert was not issued since no one saw an abduction. Here is an article on it: http://wcfcourier.com/news/evansdale_search/
Info on twitter can be found at #evansdalesearch
These girls could be anywhere, so PLEASE keep your eyes open. Bring these girls home. Their mommies need them.
Sorry to overtake your blog with this comment. And this probably does nothing to help your anxiety with this issue!
No no don’t worry! Even if this kind of thing is rare, rare cases are still too many. It’s good to get the word out, I’m sending good vibes and I’ll pass this on.
So I understand that sometimes your child can get away from you, and as you said, you had no idea she knew how to unlock the door. But you should be praising the man that was concerned for your daughters well being. 4 year olds should not be out by themselves no matter how smart you think your child is. The fact of the matter is, your daughter is 4 not 14, she needs constant supervision. If the neighbors are saying that they are seeing her running around the neighborhood more than once with no parent in sight, I agree with calling child services because clearly you need some help. Nothing against your parenting skills but as you’ve said multiple times you were abused every way possible since you can remember, so unfortunately just because you were neglected doesn’t mean your daughter deserves to be. Please do not post about how you are in the right because child abductions don’t happen that often because fact of the matter is, even if it’s not often it happens, and if you love your daughter like you claim, you will take the advise of your neighbor and keep a closer eye on your daughter at all times.
If I were to see a 4 yr old running around their own backyard alone I think I’d call child services just to make sure everything was okay.
My daughter got out of the house one time, and I immediately added extra locks after what happened, I would have done so even without his advice.
I keep a very careful eye on my daugher. She was alone – one time- for a matter of seconds. When I let her go to her friend’s house I watch her cross the street. She has never been running around the neighbourhood alone ever, she crossed the street to her friends house three whole times while I watched her. And her friend’s mother was there each time, never “no parent in sight.”
If my neighbour had a concern he didn’t need to be yelling in my face and not letting me speak. That is uncivilized behaviour. Like in the comments below that post, if he approached it in a better way I would have understood. Also, it was one neighbour not plural as you said. My other neighbours were appalled and concerned for my safety due to this man’s erratic behaviour and keep an eye out for me.
I in no way neglect my daughter and do not “need some help”. You can’t say such things and then hide behind a lame statement saying you’re not knocking my parenting skills. People who know me would laugh at someone, a stranger who reads my blog though it is obvious she shouldn’t be as it is most likely not her cup of tea, saying that.
Though this post that you are commenting on is related to the other, it is not the same. I didn’t justify what happened because child abduction is rare. This post was actually a rough draft for quite some time, before the lock incident, after researching Lenore Skenazy and other free-range parents.
I doubt you’ll continue reading this but if you do comment in the future, I don’t mind a conflicting opinion. That being said you have no right to judge my parenting skills based on a blog alone and your assumptions. My daughter is happy, healthy and loved thank you very much. There is a happy medium, and if you chose that route I may be a little less hostile. I will get my back up when someone attacks my family, even if we are small.
I should add there is quite a stretch between four and fourteen. A thirteen-year-old requires the same constant supervision as a four-year-old? The CAS workers I know and talk to (because I do research and have friends working for them, they are not involved professionally) would differ but if that’s how you want to parent your children, if you have them, to each their own.
This is a huge touchy subject for me-living here on the very land that was once the infamous pig farm you mentioned. Since my son was old enough to play outside on his own he has had no one to play with without being tethered to a parent or caregiver of some nature. I’m not sure who everyone fears-really. I grew up with Clifford Olson who targeted children in the late 1970′s and early 1980′s in my area yet we were still on our bikes and exploring our worlds. We were out with friends and playing kick the can until the lights came on. The exact neighbourhoods now when I go through or even look out my window are virtual ghost towns. I know the kids exist because the schools are all full-just look inside the cars dropping the kids off those daunting two blocks from garage to school door.
I am thrilled when my son (11) can get together with one specific friend because this child has parents that think like I do and like my mother before me-’Turn that screen off and get out of my house, go have some fun and buy some milk on your way back’. We go through the basic rules, time expected back and then he’s off. The first time I visited a friend in Northern BC (formerly the highest crime rated in Canada per capita) we let the children play at the school playground across the street, their ages were single digit (probably 7) but there were 3 of them and they were across the street. It was freeing and amazing when they all arrived sun kissed and happy after playing for 25 minutes-we could see them if we needed to, windows were open, we could hear them… Ugh, I already feel the need to justify allowing my kids to play in a safe way!
It’s easy to keep the kids inside, it’s easy to have them home and safely in front of the tv or some other electronic gadget. This way we know where they are and who is influencing them (or do we-next rant is all about eight year olds playing grand theft auto) since we chose the channel/bought the cartridge ourselves. I fear what this automated dependence is going to do to our kids more than the creepy guy we all imagine at the playground.
Thank goodness I’m not alone in this. Sometimes it truly feels that way, and I know it does for others too, and that’s who this blog is for =) So sad that a parent can’t even let there child play in their own backyard. I wonder how all these prior generations ever made it out alive lol
no one is saying keep them inside… just watch them when they go out or you might regret your decisions. Unfortunately we don’t live in the 70′s anymore, or the 80′s (when I grew up). Kids bring guns and knives to school on a daily basis, and predators can grab your kids in broad daylight just like Jaycee Dugard. She was picked up while walking home alone after school (so about 3pm) over 18 years ago and was kidnapped by a ex con and it still took the cops 18 years to find her. I feel it’s better to be safe when it comes to my children then sorry. Im sure the Dugard family would agree. I wasn’t bashing anyone’s parenting skills, all I was saying is that if your child is often running around unsupervised at 4, maybe u could use some help, like a nanny or caregiver. There’s no shame in asking for help, but there is when you refuse to admit you need it and the kids suffer due to your own ego.
There is no ego. If I had the support or money for a nanny I’d love it.
She isn’t “running around” she crossed the street to a friend’s house on three occasions and was watched. You are accusing me of things that haven’t happened.
This post is full of facts that aren’t my opinion, so I’m kind of confused by how you think it was safer decades ago when it is proven to be safer now. We simply have more media.
Thank you for clearing up the “You need help remark,” I’m sure you could see how that could be taken offensively given that you suggested I neglect my child. Thanks for your two cents. All I can do is present facts and you can do what you will with them.
Michelle, thanks for the Jaycee Dugard example, I looked into it and found it interesting. I’m not sure if you noticed or not but all my stats are Canadian. I can look up American stats next time but this post and the one that you are upset about are both set in Canada. I would appreciate if you stopped commenting until you’ve read the posts more carefully, you seem to believe things that have never happened and are attacking my parenting skills with your comments, this fact does not change by denying it later.